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As summer is around the corner (…we hope), here’s my take on fake tan problems.
1. It’s messy. No, like really messy.
You think I mean you might stain the palms of your hands? That’s the least of your worries. Sit on the toilet seat while your tan’s developing and you’ll leave an imprint, when you rinse off the guide colour in the shower it gets into the grouting between your wall tiles, and don’t get me started on clothes and bedsheets…
Tan brands like to claim that their tans wash out of everything, but unfortunately, I’ve not found that to always be the case. My last mattress had a tan print of my sleeping position, I kid you not.
To limit this pure carnage, I use an express tan in the day, wear old loose PJs, and am ready with bathroom cleaner and a damp sponge to tackle marks immediately. I also treat like coloured clothes with my trusty Vanish stain bar before throwing them in the wash – as much as transfer to clothing after you’ve rinsed the guide colour off is limited, whites are certainly not safe.
2. It’s a long-term commitment.
Thought you could chuck the tan on and be done? Think again. There’s regular exfoliating, daily moisturising, and top ups of hands and face every couple of days, in my case. Getting it all off at the end of the week is a mission and a half, and then it’s time to repeat…
I can get three really good days out of my body tan before it starts to fade, and while overall it fades evenly, I tend to get patchy on my feet, underarms, and where the straps of my sports bra sit. It’s really a max of five days before it needs to come off, although I push it to six. However, your mileage may vary depending on your skin type, activity level, and how frequently you bathe or shower.
3. It clings to places you don’t want it to.
My elbows, knees, underarms, hands, and feet absorb tan much more than anywhere else on my body. And any remnants from blemishes on your face? Tan loves a dry patch. It doesn’t matter how much I exfoliate first (loads), or apply moisturiser first as a barrier (every time), these places always end up darker.
Make sure you apply Vaseline to your nails to protect them from staining, use a makeup brush to apply to face, hands and feet, and for blending away any excess, and when you rinse off your guide colour in the shower, lightly run an exfoliating mitt over these areas to limit the depth. Then pray.
4. You’re not just paying for the tan.
There’s a variety of tanning options on the market at a range of price points, which is great. But the spending doesn’t end with a bottle of tan every month or so. I go through moisturiser, exfoliating gloves, applicator mitts, and a tan removal mitt. While this is infinitely cheaper than getting a spray tan on the regular, it still adds up to be quite a tidy sum. And skip the prep work at your peril. You’ve been warned…
5. It takes time
I for one, am not quick at applying fake tan. There’s the bath – shaving and exfoliating, moisturising, applying the tan, and wrangling the applicator mitt with a clothes hanger to do my back. Then there’s the five-hour marinating time where I’m scared to sit on the toilet seat (see point one), lean on anything, or touch my face. Then there’s the rinsing in the shower, moisturising (again), and progressively getting darker for the next 12 hours.
Why the **** would you do all this, you ask? I’ll tell you in an upcoming blog post.
